The PdS Black Voices Series Presents: DEZIREE A. BROWN

DEZIREE A. BROWN

DEZIREE A. BROWN

 

when the guillotine comes from my ovaries,

after Destiny

 

              I peel Hina     from my bedside.

 She mumbles your     name, hands me two

   clocks entombed       in ice. The dead will come

  for these, but the dead      cannot have them.

           how can I be      saved from ghosts

          

           that tread on    stars? I try

           to remember    there are eyes

     beyond our eyes.    Lamps

       of nothingness,     voids of brightness.

           this is where      the blade bites

your alate shoulder,     moon queen’s fist

          golden shield      around my waist.           

         here you steal      purpled graves

   from my ankles –      I know someone

          must answer      for this red and grey

        drowning. tell      my blooming body

     you deserve      to be burned.

 

ishtar’s redemption.

 

put your eyes into these pockets, midnight blue, bury

them beneath constellations you’ve wrestled

from coral sky.

 

let your lips press collarbones

into auburn suns. drag moonstone

across your pillows and ask for forgiveness.

 

give petals back to orchids. write words

only you understand. ask orion

to watch over black girls snatched

into mouthless shadows.

 

wonder if you

will be next.

 

shake stars from your clothes before washing.

name yourself Aria when you learn the melodies

golden melanin sings into your skin.

 

tell the wind that for once,

          I’d like to belong

                                                     to myself.

 

dream of Harambe and cracked eggs,

dead babies in vases. pray your eyes into emeralds

that ride on archgriffins’ wings.

 

plant a bed of arenaria

but never water it.

 

wait for it to bloom.

 

 

tacenda.

after Tomaz Salaman

 

deziree             is a monster.

deziree is humid           hydrogen /       black wind

 

birthed                  from the mouth’s                           bloody veil.

maybe she is our          sunbreaker /    [Aria’s omen]              filled

 

with Saturn’s frothy    lips. maybe you            have seen           opal horns /

dark gold                     eyes / the fog               unfolding                     from her necklace

 

of bones – wolf /       bear teeth /     a finger you lost                  to the leshen’s            fangs.

maybe              deziree will chant                    a crow’s lullaby            with sleepless

 

hounds at her      hooves /      devour                         any Light         desperate                     to escape

her ragged        jaw. maybe      she is Oya’s tsunami / white-hot         sphere.                         look

 

at your elephants / how                      their knees       smother          at her command.

now drink        in her wings / see                    how they beat              the moon

 

raw /   as our sun       swallows          her lavender claws.

 

 

A few good words with dezireé

 

 

PDS: What I love about this series of poems is the range of black femme expression, from your menstrual “blooming body” that deserves “to be burned,” to the goddess Ishtar’s reclamation of her life, saying “I’d like to belong / to myself.” I read the last poem as a sort of cataloging of self—a witch’s litany of possible spells, the body’s power named. How do you see the different voices speaking to each other?

 

DAB: These poems are focused on a black woman’s battles with grief and loss, and how her mental illnesses affect her recovery. The journey to coping and healing can take steps backward before moving forward, and I wanted these pieces and the tones within them to emphasize that. So there are highs in these stanzas, and there are lows. Each poem is another step in processing grief. It’s important for me to highlight a black woman’s struggle with mental illnesses because our society does not allow us to have any. And we hurt because of it.

 

The voices here differ in several ways but all share the common factor of vulnerability. Black women are not indestructible. We are tough, determined, and strong as diamond, but we are human. We feel things. We can be broken like anyone else.

 

I really find it interesting that tacenda. was originally written as a very dark and somber piece, but it has been called my ‘Kanye loves Kanye’ poem. I love that the power of the body lives inherently within the words, and that the poem can live in both contexts.

 

 

 

PDS: “tacenda.” uses both slashes and negative spacing to create tension and pacing—how did you want your reader to understand the difference between the two ways of formatting?

 

DAB: The slashes are a softer stop than a line break or white space. If I want a word or phrase to stay with the reader for a moment longer, slashes are usually the way to go. I want this poem to feel like it’s creeping up on you in the dark. The slashes slow the reader and push them forward simultaneously, helping to create that feeling of dread. I’ve been enjoying experimenting with them in my work as of late.

 

 

 

PDS: What are some of the struggles and some of the blessings of being a black, queer women writing in 2017?

 

DAB: A lot of the struggles are the same as they always have been. People clutching bags as I walk by. Friends that won’t use the correct pronouns. Black women consistently experiencing erasure by black men. It’s a tiring cycle that can cause writer’s block and drain creativity. I do believe that people are much more blatant with nonsense because of the president. Honest self-care is the one of the most important parts of my life now.

 

But blessings are in abundance. More than ever, marginalized voices are being brought to the forefront and given the airtime they deserve. There are fantastic poets like Danez Smith and Tarfia Faizullah that continue to reshape my understanding of what poetry can do. And with the current state of the world, there’s no end to the amount of material I can write about. It’s lit.

 

 

 

 

deziree a. brown is a black queer woman poet, scholar, and social justice warrior born and raised in Flint, MI. They are currently a MFA candidate at Northern Michigan University, and they serve as an Associate Editor for Passages North and Poetry Editor for Heavy Feather Review. Their work has been recently published in the anthology Best “New” African Poets 2015, Public Pool, and Luna Luna Magazine, among others. They tweet at @deziree_a_brown.

 

Leave a comment

Unable to load the Are You a Human PlayThru™. Please contact the site owner to report the problem.